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kindred360's Journal  I always say I’m going to blog more, then never get around to it. Here is my list of things I’ve wanted to blog about. Maybe I’ll get to ‘em, maybe not. Dental surgery. Holy crap, was that a crazy experience. I need to get this down so that I never forget what a serious ordeal it was. Online dating. There’s an open ended subject. More and more people are doing it, and the net is CRAWLING with weirdoes. I am one of those weirdoes. The bay area fires. Good, bad, I’m the one with the life consuming raging inferno. Strippers. Just how far is it ok to push the erotic dance boundary? Someday, I’ll post a blog on them all, but until then, I’ll just keep percolating ideas, purging bad ones and condensing good ones. Current mood: creative. Friday night, around 9:20 PM, I had an episode where I either fainted, or had a small seizure. A couple of friends of mine and I went out to grab some pizza, and just sat down after ordering. We turned our conversation to the TV, which was playing a show on medical marvels. The topic being discussed was a girl about 6 years old, who couldn't feel any pain due to a defect, so subsequent had all sort of issues. The issue that most stunned me, was her dental issues. I'm going to type about it here, so I can sort of go over it in my head and review it. When her father first thought something was wrong, she had been chewing on his finger, like infants are inclined to do. She bit down on his finger tremendously hard, and it hurt him quite a lot. He pulled his finger out, and saw that she had 2 teeth, that had just punctured his finger. Because of her inability to feel pain, she would teeth on anything. Plastic toys, her own fingers, or even furniture. She had to have her baby teeth removed, in the hope that they could save her fingers and tongue, which was damaged on a constant basis (it looked like a wad of chewing gum, they said). A side effect of removing her baby teeth was her adult teeth grew in faster, and she ended up knocked them out through normal child behaviors, only more clumsy. I was thinking about it, and talking about it with my friends when I lost consciousness. To have no repercussions that she could understand would lead to her not learning anything that all other children get quickly. She would constantly be injuring herself over and over again without knowing it. From toes stubbed to eyes gouged. They started putting on swim goggles to protect her eyes, but they still had a infection that almost took her eyesight from her. It was stunning. The last thing I remember was talking while sipping my drink. I know I had the telltale spots around my eyes, but I didn't piece it together that I was loosing consciousness. I believe I felt heat, like my face was flushed, but I can't be sure. The next thing I know, my friend is calling my name while my point of view changed. I had fallen against one friend, and the other was coming around behind me to help. I heard his voice as though it was waking me up, like it was coming from a long distance. Tremendously surreal and disorientating. I was mostly out of my chair, so I slid back into it and sat up. I blinked, looked around, and started to assess myself. I could feel my entire body, I didn't have any smells or tastes that might indicate something wrong in the brain. I wasn't sore anywhere, as though my muscles were spasming out of control, and my sight was clear, as was my hearing. I talked to both friends, to get the full idea of what was going on. They wanted to call an ambulance, but I waved them off, since they wouldn't be able to help be beyond taking me to the hospital, which anyone with a car could do. I did think I should go to the hospital, since my mind isn't something I like taking chances with, but I didn't want to go right away. I had just ordered a pizza, and knew that if I went into the hospital, they tend to frown on people eating in the emergency room. So we stayed, and I ate some food, drank some water, and chatted it up. We left the pizzeria shortly after finishing our food without any further incident. When I got home, I called the advice nurse, and talked to her a bit. She asked all the usual questions, which I answered as best as I was able. She then took the answers, along with my medical history, and consulted with a doctor. She got back on the line, and said it sounded more like I passed out than any seizure. I felt fine with that answer, since I pretty much just wanted a more qualified opinion. I'll continue to monitor myself, and take it easy. The reason I wanted to post this up was twofold. One, it's a good way to keep a record on myself. Two, by putting in a public forum, it allows for me to reveal a very human moment that people won't forget. It's tempting to tell no one about it, to hold it secret and make anyone who knew about it not mention it ever. But this is one of those things that shouldn't be kept away, and by putting it up here I have the opportunity to hold myself accountable to the people that matter to me. So I had a good Halloween. I got off work, went blazing home to grab that pumpkin I still hadn't carved, then went to start my night. I went to two cool parties, though I didn't make it home to mom's house, which is a shame. I always like visiting, seeing the kids around. It seems like Redwood Ave is a good place to trick or treat. Sometimes, when I party hop, I wish I could re-hop. I left on party to go to another, since it was a smaller shindig and I wanted to see the guy. But the first party was fun, and it would have been cool to stay longer. Still, I don't think it's a bad thing to want more good times. Gives a good excuse to see those people again. To jump topics, I was in the car the other day, about to put my foot on the brake for the red light up ahead. Just as I was about to make contact with the pedal, Metalica came on the radio, and the light turned green. Now, some people might handle this differently than I did. But if you're me, you move the gas and step on it. And then I remembered I had moved the pumpkin to the trunk to make room for someone in my passenger seat, and it was rolling around. I still haven't carved the damned thing, and as of this moment, it is sitting in my front room, awaiting either the carving knife, soup pot, or pie tin. I'm still undecided, but I want to remember me carting that thing around with me around the Peninsula as I move from party to party. The sort of inane feeling of putting your large orange gourd in the passenger side seat with a seatbelt on. These are the things that make me laugh. Current mood:  indifferent.Current music: Linkin Park. So I got to see two friends get married yesterday, and that's always special. Each wedding I go to is unique and special, while all of them aim for the same goals. Dedication and commitment in front of their friends and family while sharing and including everyone in their love. I think some are more successful than others, but in the end, it doesn't matter how included everyone feels. Only how they feel towards each other matters, and how their life is enriched by this great step forward. I think that's the difference between a great couple and a couple that just throws a party for their wedding. When you can look at the couple, in the middle of all the chaos that surrounds them at their wedding, and see them anchored to their partner, thats when you get the feeling that they will truly be together till forced apart. So many couples don't stay married, that I wonder sometimes about the institution of marriage. It looks like this golden hoop, that people have to shoot for, and sometimes they are so focused on attaining it, that they break it. I know I tend towards analogies (I blame mom), but its the way my mind works. There are times I just don't understand how some couple could ever break up, that do, and some couples that stay together. Honestly, there are only a few rare couples I'm surprised stay together. It's pretty cynical of me to judge others relationships as non-enduring, though sometimes I can't help myself. I think it's the bleed over of how many marriages fail, and a sort of defense to keep my expectations from getting high. Not that I expect or even suspect that the two I just saw joined are going to face those problems, just that I hope they don't. Anyhow, here's to marriage, in the form of the joyous unions that two wonderful people enter into and choose to share the rest of their life. May they never know unconquerable hardships and love each other without reserve. Current mood:  hopeful.
So I drove up to Oljato this last Saturday. It was really good. A friend of mine and I met up for lunch in San Jose, then headed up from there. We stopped off in Fresno, for random reasons, then started up the mountain. He got a head start, so I drove a bit more recklessly than normal to catch up. I haven't really driven like that ever. Going that fast on those mountain roads was exhilarating, and not actually loosing traction was good, though a sign I could probably go a bit faster. Once I got up there, I was filled with a sort of manic giddiness. It was so good just to be on that lake again, seeing those people, that I could not wipe the grin from my face. The hugs were wildly enthusiastic, the kind of embrace you get that jars your body and squeezes your soul. Ever time I met a friend, it was like another little private reunion. I hoofed my stuff up to staff camp, and found a space to bunk down in. Though I had eaten down the hill, I joined everyone for dinner, and got my fill of the faces I missed. Soon enough after dinner, we went across the lake on the new barge. They call it the Uber Barge, and it is pretty uber. It's a pontoon barge, with twin motors, so it really hauls butt. I met some of the new staff, and I swear, it's like I was meeting other people I had known, reincarnated as new staff. Some of them were friends remembered, and in a few faces, I saw traces of who I used to be. It was surreal and exciting to see bits of myself in these people whom I'd never met. Across the lake people split into two groups. The under 21 group, that hung around the dance and probably found liquor from shady sources, and the over 21 group, that found their liquor at the tried and true bar there, which has been a standby for years. Some drank, some just had water. But quick enough we had the talk flowing faster than the alcohol. I got about as tipsy as I've been in a year, maybe more. I didn't hit the "I love you," phase, but if I had one more drink, I would have been there. I think everyone there knew I loved them without me leaning on them and saying it over and over again. We thought we'd have enough time to head over to the dance and get an hour of dancing in, but it was not to be. We got there, and had 5 minutes of dancing before we had to split. The saving grace was the song that played for us, because it was about as apt a song as you can get for Oljato staff. If you're not familiar with, "You've lost that loving feeling," by The Righteous Brothers, then you are missing out. If you haven't heard 20+ overexcited, partially inebriated folks sing it, the you'll just have to take my word for it when I say it was exquisite. We came back across the lake, but first we had some time down on the dock. I got to fulfill the one view I really wanted, which was stare up at the sky with the milky way so bright it was like I could breath in stars. The lake was still and near motionless, which allowed for a decent reflection. I trailed my hand in the cool water, and drank it all in. After we got back to our tents, we pretty much passed out straight away. I woke up later, in need of water, which I found after some fumbling. After that, I stayed awake for about an hour, again enjoying the night sky, listening to the Grateful Dead, which was someones lullaby music. I awoke in the morning at eight o'clock promptly, and then went down to join the others who were awake. I found them in the kitchen, with no more need of hands, so I wandered about, looking at once familiar sights and seeing somethings that were the same and some that were completely different. My stay at camp came to an end soon after, with me catching a barge with some others who wanted to be out before scouts arrived. Some of those with me were going on a backpacking outing, with a plan of covering 220 miles in 6 days. I got to hear about their plan, and laugh a bit at the jesting that took place as they ribbed each other about who was going to be lagging and who would finish. I went to see a movie with one of the guys who was going home, which was good, and it felt like it sort of extended the experience a bit. After all is said and done, I enjoy the people more than the place. But when the two are combined, its an unbeatable combination that moves me. I look forward to going again, and hope that next time I can contribute, perhaps in the form of coming up for a week to help out how I can. They do always need help, so with luck, it won't be a problem. Even if I don't manage to get there, enough people are down near me I can continue to see the people that make that place so amazing. There will be other midsummers nights I enjoy, with many of the same people. Current mood:  nostalgic.Current music: Crickets.
Apparently, I need to change things up. I've been looking at the sky a bit more recently, just sort of appreciating the view. I get up when the sun is up, around 7:30 ish, and I'm out on the way to work between 8 and 9. This gives me the early morning "brrrrrr its cold" feeling without it being the bone biting chill it is in the deep morning. Things start to warm up, my grumpiness burns away with the dew, and I feel comfortable in my skin by the time I have to interact with people. Recently, it's been cloudy all the time, but often it is crisp blue. That blue is really striking, and the early morning blue is always what I think of when people say "sky blue." When I get off work it's about 5:30. This gives me a great view of the day's end. I really like it when there is a medium amount of clouds in the sky, so it looks like the sky is almost on fire with the setting sun. Its strange how it goes from bright blue, to orange, to dark red, to teal, to deep blue. By the time you can see the first stars, its getting darned cold, and indoors with some cocoa is the place to be. Maybe thats just me, but since I get home about then, I figure it works out. I miss the sky from camp a lot. There were times when I was out on the lake, in a barge doing a late night run, and you could see the stars reflected in the water. Even that reflection being more startling than the stars you get in the city, it was amazing. It felt like being surrounded by stars. Then you get struck by how deep the moment was, and lightened the mood by doing a naked buoy jump. Good times, good times. Freezing cold times, but good. Current mood:  mellow.Current music: sounds of the heater. What a weekend. All considered, it was pretty calm. But there was definitely some tension, which could have been avoided by some work before hand. I guess my sister and mom had a huge fight, which is a big deal, since they live together. Sis moved out, mom didn't know where to or when to see them again. It was ludicrous. If only there was better communication, or even a slight acceptance of responsibility from my sister. To hear her tell it, my mom constantly lies and just victimizes everyone. I don't buy it, which makes my own acceptance pretty hard. 'Sides that, everything was dandy. Mom cooks something fierce. I LOVE her stuffing, and her baked goods are just as good. None of this bodes well for any sort of weight stability on my part, but at least I'll die a happy man. Probably with apple pie crust on my face. It was good to see my brother and his son. There was some drama down that branch of the family, and things are just now settling down. I'm not sure how much I'll get to see the little guy during his childhood, so I'll just have to swoop when I can. I'm tired and rambling, so I'll stop, and continue more later. All in all it was a good weekend, with a few mishaps and surprises. I'm looking forwards to Christmas. I was looking at movies coming out this week, at IMDB, and it seems the video game I was mocking will be getting some further mocking. Thats right. A Dead or Alive movie. >.< Ouch. There is a really promising movie coming out, called "Lets go to Prison!" It looks painfully silly, which is perfect for a group event. We'll see if we can get some people together for it. Game is fading. I think I'm still playing because of the combination of friends playing and the promise of the expansion in January. I might just cancel my account for a month, see if any enthusiasm builds while I'm not playing. It just seems kind of arbitrary that both the skills we've been pushing for a year + and the in game stuff is going to be put away. Its still fun to chat it up with people and talk smack, but I also keep thinking about the books I could be reading and other things I maybe should be doing. As of now, I'll listen to some tunes, read a bit, and pass out. Tomorrow beckons. Current music: Jack Johnson, Drink the water. Haven't played games the last few days, which I suppose is strange, but meh. I've been hungering for plot recently, stories to absorb and relive in my head. I usually find them in books or movies, though there has been a few good games I've found it in, just much more rarely. I started watching "Heroes" recently. Its funny, I'll often make despairing comments about watching TV, but then I'll hear people talking about a show or something, and get all interested. So I went to my trusty net, check out about DL'ing some stuff, and piced up the episodes and watched. Not a bad show. Not a great show, but one of those shows I hope gets better. 'Course, that just means it'll get canceled, and I'll just wonder if I liked it for it's "sci-fi" aspect. We'll see. I've been reading David Weber, but man, is that dude cheesy. I'm talking thick, Velveeta cheese, chucked in the microwave, spread all over wonder bread. Fun, but horribly transparent. Sometimes thats just fine, till you can get to something that really holds you. I recently picked up a book, that reminded me that final fantasy 12 was out. I still have a soft spot of nostalgia for that game, and I only really got into a single game from the series. I remember hours and hours of play, that virtually had to be solo, since anyone watching was likely to get bored out of their gord. Still, I could pick it up, toss a few hour (or 80) at it, and have some fun. They generally do a good job with crazy ass stories, though the guys look like girls and the girls look like their either made of popsickle sticks or have GIGANTIC boobs. I find myself hesitant, both for the money spent, and the time spent to play it. Like I need to spend any more time in front of electronic media. Current music: CCR, Proud Mary. |
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